the case for the only child your essential guide

the case for the only child your essential guide

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the case for the only child your essential guideOur payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Please try again.Please try again.Please try again. Please try your request again later. Is one enough for you. For your partner? What constitutes a complete, happy family. Will your only child be lonely, spoiled, bossy, selfish. Read this book and find out. Despite the personal distress and pressure to have a second baby, the number of women having an only child has more than doubled in the last two decades. What most people don't realize is that one-child families outnumber families with two children and have for more than two decades. In major metropolitan areas like New York, 30 percent of families have a singleton. Throughout the country people are following suit. And it's no wonder why: The worrisome biological clock (secondary infertility; older mothers) Downtrodden job markets How mothers working affects everyone in the family Finances and housing and costs of education These are only the few things that parents today (and parents to be) contend with when deciding to start a family and determining whether or not to stop after one. The time is right for a book that addresses the emerging type of nuclear family, one that consists of a solo child. Popular Psychology Today blogger and parenting author of fifteen books, including the groundbreaking Parenting the Only Child, Susan Newman, Ph.D., grew impatient with the pervasiveness of only-child folklore masquerading as fact and offers the latest findings about the long-term effects of being raised as a singleton. In The Case for the Only Child, Newman walks parents (and future parents) through the long list of factors working for and against them as well as highlights the many positive aspects of raising and being a singleton. The aim of this book is to ease and guide parents through the process of determining what they want.http://www.met-axa.ro/img/uploads/dell-m4300-service-manual.xml

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Although each situation is unique, the profound confusion surrounding having a second child is similar. It is one of the most difficult and life-altering choices parents face. Adding to one's family dramatically changes one's life and the life of one's firstborn forever. What will a person give up in time, money, freedom, intimacy, and job advancement with another child in the household. What will they gain. The Case for the Only Child helps explore and resolve these perplexing questions. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Register a free business account A powerful book, The Case for the Only Child challenges misguided advice from family and friends, reveals the facts about only one child, and teaches how to handle unwanted pressure and self-doubt. Only you can define what family means, and this book gives you the confidence to embrace that view. A must-read that will free you of any guilt or shame you might feel for not wanting (or not having) another child. This is such a book. Susan Newman lets you know that far from being damaged, only children can have it made. As a parent, you can have one and be done, and Dr. Newman shows you why.Susan is the author of the classic book Parenting the Only Child and blogs for Psychology Today magazine. Visit the author at www.susannewmanphd.com.Parenting shouldn't be distilled into a binary of joy or misery any more than we should discuss the merits of 'children' versus 'childlessness' without considering the place in between: having just one kid. 1 ?Lauren Sandler, thirty-five, the mother of a two-year-old When you thought about becoming a parent, you may have been very clear and emphatic about how many children you wanted. Perhaps you decided you didn't want any children and now wonder if you might want one.http://www.escrima-rlp.de/userfiles/dell-m209x-projector-manual.xml On the other hand, you might have been positive you wanted two children; there was no shaking your confidence, that is, until you experienced parenting one child. Suddenly, the decision may not seem so obvious or absolute. Maybe you decided one was just right for you, but everyone from your parents to perfect strangers has an opinion they gladly offer whether or not you ask. A whole range of 'what ifs' take over, your conviction weakens, and you are no longer 100 percent sure of what you want. You may fear you won't feel like a family with only one child, or you may fall prey to the lingering negative preconceptions associated with the only child. You speculate that your child could end up being lonely or bossy or worse. Too often you hear, 'He needs a brother or sister.' Really? You become unsure. Most everyone agrees that a second child dramatically changes your life and the life of your firstborn forever. As big a decision as having or adopting another child is, deciding not to is a commitment you may not be ready to make. You look in your garage or storage area and ask yourself: Do I hold on to the crib, the high chair, and the rest of the all pink (or blue) baby paraphernalia. Or, do I tag them with prices and put them on the front lawn. Selling seems logical, but you may find it reassuring to allow the memorabilia of babyhood to clutter the basement for another year or so while you make up your mind. How do you decide whether to add to your family when social pressure and pessimistic attitudes about singletons sway you toward a second child. What's wrong with having just one. Is one enough for you. Patricia, a dentist, the mother of a three-year-old child, isn't sure. She contacted me to talk about whether or not she really wants a second child. She is not an isolated case of a parent second-guessing herself. The husband of an almost-forty-year-old wife wants to give their five-year-old a sibling.http://superbia.lgbt/flotaganis/1653218893 Originally adamantly against the idea, his wife has agreed to see a fertility specialist, but isn't sure she can cope with another child. A friend, age thirty-four, has been teetering on the second-baby fence and feels pressure from her family to have another. She hesitates, knowing her career will be in jeopardy if she takes another maternity leave. At the time a couple adopted their first child, miraculously, they were offered a second. They weren't sure they could comfortably afford two children or give them the attention they felt they would need. These examples illustrate the conundrums people face regarding family size. They ask themselves, Is having one child better than having two or more. Will I live to regret having only one child. Will my child suffer needlessly as an only child. Who will my child turn to when we, as parents, pass on. These pages will help you better understand the realities of the single child and the single-child family. Much has changed since your parents had you. Size Matters When it comes to the complex calculus of mapping your family's future, one thing is certain: whether you are thinking about having one child, have one child and are sure that's all you want, or are deciding to have a second child, size matters. It matters in how you view yourself and in how others view you. It makes a difference in how you function, how you manage your life, your career, your family, and other personal relationships. How you feel about the number of children you have or don't have matters more than the actual number. You could feel like Maureen who says, 'Our marriage is perfect. We have one perfect son. Why would I want another child?' Or you could be in Phoebe's camp. She worries her daughter, age six, will miss the special bond Phoebe shares with her own sister.http://phdpezeshki.com/images/94-nissan-sentra-repair-manual.pdf Parents who consider stopping with one child are likely to find themselves on the defensive because many people still believe that children without siblings are at a disadvantage and are more likely to be selfish and spoiled. However, an established and growing body of evidence indicates that people who make these claims are misinformed. Most people, when asked, answer they want two children?usually, a boy for him, a girl for her. Or they say, 'I wanted one of each.' Despite what people say, the U.S. Census reports the single-child family is growing at a faster rate than families with two children.2 This well-kept secret isn't new. Between 1976 and 1998 there was a jump in the only-child population from 9.6 percent to more than 17 percent. During those same years, the percentage of families with three or more children shrank by 21 percent. The rise in one-child families continues.3 With so many people having just one child, it is important to understand the facts and dismiss the myths. The roots of family-size preference and opinions about only children run deep and opinions are hard to change. It is this thinking, coupled with the new definitions of family and the economics of raising children, that makes it so incredibly difficult for parents to stop at one or make the jump from one to two children. To complicate matters, emotions run high when men and women enter the family-size terrain. As you read about how others made their decisions, you'll realize that you, too, must move beyond logic and factor in several issues. These include your feelings about your own childhood, how you related to your siblings, what friends are doing (and saying), the media portrayal of family, your career or job, your dreams, and heading the list: the annoying and inaccurate stereotypes that stigmatize the only child. You may find yourself surrounded by well-meaning but intrusive people (if you haven't already), all of whom have an idea of what's right for you and are eager to tell you. Unsolicited and unwanted opinions frequently flow from grandparents, friends, coworkers, even strangers in store checkout aisles. Gloria, herself an only child and the mother of one, receives comments all the time and finds them disconcerting: 'It was my decision; I wish people would stop questioning me. They really don't know why I have one child or what might be going on in my life that's out of my control.' Family configurations are many, and decision-making influences are everywhere?from your mother to the pregnant woman you pass in the hall when dropping your child off at pre-K. What (and how) you decide is subject to scrutiny and comes with megadoses of pressure that increase self-doubt. This is a decision you want to get 'right' so you don't feel negative and guilty. Men and women worldwide have come to realize that having one child is desirable from a wide range of viewpoints and practicalities. Today only-child families are a given and rapidly becoming the New Traditional Family. Full content visible, double tap to read brief content. Videos Help others learn more about this product by uploading a video. Upload video To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzes reviews to verify trustworthiness. Please try again later. Shelley Hawkins 5.0 out of 5 stars If you only want one child, just have one child. The book goes to great lengths to justify this for you, but essentially that is what it tells you.I'll be honest, I skimmed over some areas and skipped others entirely because they weren't and will never be applicable to me, but she does raise a lot of good points that I hadn't really considered before. I appreciate her insight!She does have wonderful research, but she basically talks about how older couples are having onlies. So I guess maybe we are odd for being young but only wanting a single child.I recommend it to people thinking about their future families (like me and my spouse), to people who would like a child someday but don't want the chaos (me), or those who have 1 child and are on the fence about more (the audience who the author mainly speaks to directly).I would liked to have seen more statistics about only children - social outcomes, impact on marriages etc rather than so many anecdotes.It's given me confidence that my one and only gift is indeed just that, a gift - and if I can't face another 9 months of worry, another terror birth and risk yet another 20 months of depression then I don't have too. This book covers some lovely examples of people in their 30s like me who think and know that their life wouldn't be fuller with a second child and that they can manage with one, and that three just works. It hit the right notes with me, and bit by bit I am feeling more confident with my decision. Although American centric, it does cite a few British newspaper extracts but that is the one downside to it. The people and society the book focuses on does feel more American than British, and I feel that the British views of 'stopping at one' are still frowned upon. Maybe it's just more accepted in the States. If you're trying to move on with your decision this book is definitely a good starting point. Good evidence provided for ones, but now I just wnat to find a better word to describe onlies - maybe gifts?That's why I got this book, to explore the advantages for the only child in life. I'm not convinced being an only child will be good for my child, and after reading this book, I am certainly not persuaded. Too bad the author seemed so anti-siblings and actually seemed like there were a lot of unresolved anger issues in the life of the author. This was a very disappointing read!!!. and a bit comical at times (because of the ridiculousness of it all!!!). The negative stereotypes — lonely, selfish, bossy, spoiled, socially maladjusted — make parents think their child will be at a disadvantage when compared to those who grew up with siblings. The Case for the Only Child debunks the myths, taking into account the many changes the nuclear family has experienced in the face of two-family incomes, single parenting, women starting families later, and the economic reality of raising children in our modern world. Combining often-surprising findings with real-life stories, compassionate insight, and thought-provoking questions, Newman gives readers a guide to help them decide for themselves how to best plan their family and raise a single child. Praise for The Case for the Only Child “I love books that present good news most people don’t know about. As a parent, you can have one and be done, and Dr. Newman shows you why. Finally, a valuable resource for those who have or are considering one child. A powerful book, The Case for the Only Child challenges misguided advice from family and friends, reveals the facts about only children, and teaches how to handle unwanted pressure and self-doubt. Only you can define what family means and this book gives you the confidence to embrace that view. A must read that will free you of any guilt or shame you might feel for not wanting (or not having) another child. As the mother of an only child and the founder of MotherhoodLater.com, a community for midlife mothers, I know the self-doubt and judgment that some parents experience. Medium Why does society judge single-child families like mine so harshly. The Sydney Morning Herald Can being an only child affect creativity and social skills. The Indian Express Why your second child isnt any easier OZY 13 Things Everyone Should Know About Only Children Greatist.com The case for one child: Would you be happier with just one kid. New Zealand Herald How Many Kids Should You Have. The Great Debate Yahoo. Parenting Is it Selfish to Have One Child. Psychology Today Does size matter. For today’s families it does. USA Today The Only Child Myth Time Magazine Cover Story One child, plenty of company: What parents need to consider as they raise their only child Chicago Tribune No Siblings: Am I Cheating My Only Child. As a bonus for signing up, you’ll receive exclusive self-help tips from my book: The Book of NO: 365 Ways to Say It and Mean It—and Stop People Pleasing Forever. Your email address will not be shared with anyone else. Groups Discussions Quotes Ask the Author Is one enough for you. Despite the personal distress and pressure to have a second baby, the number of women having an only child has more than doubled in the last two decades. What mo Is one enough for you. The Case for the Only Child helps explore and resolve these perplexing questions. To see what your friends thought of this book,When I was growing up I knew very few only children (if I think about it, I still know very few), nonetheless, after I had my son it never occurred to me to have another. My son has just successfully finished his first year in college and is a very happy, smart, socially When I was growing up I knew very few only children (if I think about it, I still know very few), nonetheless, after I had my son it never occurred to me to have another. My son has just successfully finished his first year in college and is a very happy, smart, socially well-adjusted, and kind human being who hopes to be an elementary or middle school teacher as a way of giving back to his community. None of that is a surprise to me because that's both who he's always been and how he was raised. I don't remember ever wanting siblings - I think that's a pretty abstract notion for small children, anyway. If I did when I was little I definitely remember being thrilled to be an only child after I started having sleepovers with friends with siblings. I'll admit that I'm often curious about it what it might be like, but purely from an intellectual standpoint. I was always very close with my parents (as is my son with his). We were a united front - all in it together. I had and have friends. I was lucky to have been able to participate in activities outside of school - art classes, music lessons, ballet. I do remember being lonely sometimes, but I think everyone's had that sensation - siblings or not. I have always been (and remain) very independent and choosy in my personal life - choosing fewer rather than more friends - again that's part of who I am and of my personality. My son is much more social and outgoing than I am or than his father, so I'm not convinced being an only child dooms you to social ineptitude. The qualities I think only children gain quickly are those of independence, of learning to compromise (really, friends never give you your own way all the time). I think only children also learn the luxury of picking and choosing because they know how to be alone and how to entertain themselves. I see these as positives. FDR - President and Only Child Dr. Newman clearly takes apart the stereotypes associated with only children as just that - stereotypes that turn out to be essentially untrue. We no longer live in the kind of society that loses children at such a rate that multiples are had if only to ensure someone makes it past childhood. Our children do not work our farms, or labor in our factories. We are fortunate as a society to have choices about family size and there are good reasons for choosing fewer as there are equally good reasons for having more. I don't think it's a question to torture yourself over and it is good to see an explication of that for parents who may be doing so. I think children should be wanted and cherished by their parents. If you're able to do that with only one child, then that's what you do. If you can do that with more, then you do that. If this is a question that you're dealing with in your personal life, you can't find a better book to help you think about this choice. Perhaps the best (and most difficult) thing about living at this time is that we have many choices. Knowledge increases our ability to make the right choices for ourselves and further helps us down the road to knowing our heart's desire. This is a thoughtful and worthwhile book that presents information in a clear way and affirms the right to make all kinds of choices - great book. Good book for those of you who want to convince yourself that having one child is okay and good thing since it was certainly biased to having only one child is best. Quick read and thought provoking. As all of the other reviews for TLC seem to have been written by those who do have onlies, I s And that is surprising to me for two reasons. First of all, I'm not sure why people feel the need to say such things to perfect strangers (is my reproductive life really any of your business?), and second of all, I really don't think three children are all that many. Most of my friends have at least three, and I have several friends who have more than that. Heck, one of my best friends is having her seventh in a few months. Again, if you read my blog at all, you will also know that I am LDS. Having lots of children--certainly more than one--is indeed a part of our religious culture, and while I won't go into our specific beliefs about that, I will say that I realize that my religion has influenced the decision The Maestro and I made to have more than one child, or indeed, any children at all. However, society as a whole is largely moving towards smaller families and, in many cases, only children. So, before I have said a single word about The Case for the Only Child by Susan Newman, Ph.D., you are already completely aware of my biases. And the title of the book should clue you in to what the biases of the author are, as well. One thing that this book does well is to go over every argument you could possibly think of against having an only child and present counter-arguments and research which discredits the case against onlies. On the other hand, most of her arguments really serve to discredit those of us who have made a different choice--it didn't feel objective. I feel her arguments would have been much stronger if she had extended her research to include those who do have more than one child and how they have dealt with such things as career and finances when the decision to have more children was made. Putting my husband through his doctoral degree with two children wasn't easy, but we made it work. Yes, if I had no children or even just one during that time we would probably be in a better place financially, but that wasn't the choice that we made. And we, I believe, are better people for it, despite what conclusions an outsider looking in may draw about our financial situation. The one argument I can wholeheartedly agree with is that of time. Yes. I am often stretched way too thin between my three daughters, a house to take care of and keep clean, music lessons, soccer, homework, practicing and my own part-time job, church service, hobbies and other interests. It's a lot to handle and I am often overwhelmed. I have indeed noticed those acquaintances who only have one child giving that child much more time than I could ever give to any one of my three. I wish I could be three people sometimes. Sometimes having three children begging for my attention in three separate directions all at the same time is enough to make my head explode. But, being overwhelmed does not mean that I am not happy. They report having the time to kick back and rest. Most of them say they are calm, less stressed and less busy, than their friends with more than one child. They told me that they are busy, but they have only one child's schedule to fit in. It brings me much more happiness than kicking back and resting does. And it certainly brings me more happiness than having fun at an amusement park or going to a movie does. All of the sacrifices which I have had to make in order to be the mother of more than one child are completely and totally worth having these three wonderful beings in my life. I am better for it. Still, I do think this is a good book for those who are trying to decide whether or not to have more than one child. It certainly presents the many factors in our lives and marriages that are affected by having children, and that is a good thing. I know that as we have discussed nearly incessantly for the past several years whether or not we would add a fourth child into our brood, most of these factors have come up and we have had to be honest with ourselves and take a good, hard look into why we wanted another child. Whether to have just one or more, or even no children is a very personal decision and I certainly do not judge those who have made a different choice than I have. I highlighted a lot of passages here and will definitely re-read this in the future. Definitely helped me to strengthen our decision to be one and done. I highlighted a lot of passages here and will definitely re-read this in the future! Maybe this is to be expected, though. Maybe this is to be expected, though. I grew up with an assumption I'd have multiple children but feel so satisfied with one that I am glad I took the time to explore the possibility and solidify the decision with a good book. I grew up with an assumption I'd have multiple children but feel so satisfied with one that I am glad I took the time to explore the possibility and solidify the decision with a good book. I was fearful of finding the answer within and that I might not like it. After just a few pages I realized that this book was not for me. It seems more appropriate for a single-child family to read retrospectively or for a family who has made up their minds already and nee I was fearful of finding the answer within and that I might not like it. It seems more appropriate for a single-child family to read retrospectively or for a family who has made up their minds already and needs reassurance. The author was at times very defensive in her writing, which served only to confuse my mind further about what exactly I wanted to do. I was frustrated, also, by the design of her argument concerning the workplace. She sites several studies showing women with multiple children are behind compared to their childless or single-child counterparts. Men suffer no such consequence. I realize that this is a big reason why many women desire fewer children but I tend to want to defy a bad system rather than give in to its shortcomings. In short, this book is for people who are relatively certain that they want only 1 child in their family and seek some validation and approval for this choice. I am not in this camp and give only 2 stars as a result. I felt the author gave many positive reasons or having only one but at the same time, she wasn't very preachy to people that choose to have more. The old fashion Mom, Dad and 2 kids model is not necessarily relevant in our society anymore. There are single parents, step children, and same sex couples. According to the. I am sure this is a problem for alot of people that have one child. I felt the author gave many positive reasons or having only one but at the same time, she wasn't very preachy to people that choose to have more. According to the author, families with one child are the fastest growing segment (especially in Australia and Britain). Off the top of my head, I can name about 15 people with only children. This has changed a lot from when I was growing up! I assumed, from the title, that it would make an argument in favour of only children, and give me reasonable answers for people who question this choice in family size. Unfortunately this book barely met the fi I assumed, from the title, that it would make an argument in favour of only children, and give me reasonable answers for people who question this choice in family size. Unfortunately this book barely met the first assumption and failed completely on the second. However, despite it being a bit misleading, I enjoyed the read. It was a compilation of research from Newman from 3 separate interviews of 100 people 10 years apart, in 1990, 2000, and 2010. She coagulates the interviews and finds themes that only child parents struggle with, and attempts to answer these questions and struggles. There was nothing really new for me in this book, but overall I enjoyed hearing the stories of other only child families. The book was laid out well, was concise and somewhat entertaining. Nothing was revolutionary. Quick google searches and blogs already addressed most things. Overall, glad I skimmed it. The Happiness Factor chapter was amazing. In my own training I have learned enough about statistics to believe that while this distrust is often warranted (see the 1895 study in Maybe One !!), there is still often truth in statistics conducted in proper research environments. I liked this book less overall than Maybe One. I preferred the focus of this book--the psychology and personal reasons for having an only child, while McKibben’s book was mainly about population reasons for limiting family size, which didn’t interest me. Newman quotes more psychology studies which contradict popular belief about multiple children that I now want to track down and read. I was especially intrigued that the majority of research that has shown that second children tend to make mothers less happy and generally have negative impact on marital relationships.